I was a 20-something who didn’t know the first thing about self love and lacked the confidence to be the champion of my life. In fact, I looked outside of myself for love and acceptance. During this time, I had a business and every single win or loss would ride me like the roller coaster at the Santa Cruz boardwalk. Enough ups and downs to make a gal sick.
It was this time that I didn’t practice self love as much as I practiced self pity. At the time I had no idea how much self love and confidence were linked together. The truth is that when we really love ourselves, confidence starts to happen naturally.
What is Self Love
Self love can mean different things to different people. It can be synonymous with self-care and listening to what your body needs. Or, self love can mean accepting yourself just as you are in this very moment. Ultimately it means accepting your emotions for what they are and putting your physical, emotional and spiritual well-being first.
To some, this may sound selfish. However these are two very energetically different things. Acting from a place of selfishness is often from a state of lack whereas acting from a place of self-love is from a state of abundance.
How Did This Happen?
Our limiting beliefs we develop in childhood affect today. Think back to your childhood. When did you start to look outside yourself for love, acceptance or validation? You may not be able to really recall the moment because we were trained from birth to be a good girl so that our needs would be met. Later we learned that learning isn’t as important as getting a good grade. Is it no wonder that we’ve placed so much importance on external validation of our worth? The ‘self’ was left out of self love. Can you see how that would lead to a lack of confidence?
How Self Love and Confidence Work Together
Dr. Bruce Lipton who is the author of The Biology of Belief (one of my favorite books) observed that, while working in energy psychology workshops, over 80%, and usually over 90%, of people didn’t test positive for the belief, “I love myself.”
If you don’t love yourself, you won’t have the confidence to make meaningful, positive changes you know you were meant to do! Dr. Lipton says it’s “the biggest problem in the world.”
How do you start to build your self love and confidence together?
1. Go Out By Yourself
When was the last time you enjoyed your own company? For the longest time I hated my own company so I’d distract myself with a movie and some wine. Why? I was worried what others would think. If this is you, just remember that 1. Nobody is thinking anything about you when they see you enjoying yourself, and 2. You may have way more fun than you could have imagined.
Take yourself out on a hike, go out to eat on your own or just sit outside your favorite cafe and enjoy a cup of coffee. Feeling comfortable being on your own builds confidence in making decisions for yourself.
2. Forgive Yourself
We all make mistakes. If you look back at some poor choices you’ve made (like abusing your body with bad nutrition) and forgive yourself you can start to move forward with compassion and alot more knowledge! Mistakes are a part of life but by practicing self love you become more confident in your ability to recognize them and then pivot.
3. Step Outside Your Comfort Zone
Confidence isn’t built by sticking with what you know. Confidence is about trusting yourself enough to try something new. You may find that you enjoy that new thing! And, doing something you enjoy is a form of self love. Worse case, you decide you didn’t enjoy that new thing but then you’ve learned something about yourself.
4. Make a List of Your Accomplishments
Want to boost your confidence and give yourself a hit of self love at the same time? Just list your accomplishments! This makes you feel great about yourself. Our brains are wired to focus so much on the negatives that it’s easy to forget all the positives. Beat the negative tendency with this boost of proof that you’re amazing.
5. Challenge Yourself
Get to know what you’re capable of by challenging yourself. If, for instance, you’ve always wanted to be in great shape but haven’t done much more than a light jog a couple days a week – try training for a 5k. Or perhaps you paint as a hobby, why not create a series and pitch it to your local art galleries? When you challenge yourself you gain new confidence in your abilities and you learn about yourself in the process.
6. Celebrate Your Achievements
Just like when you list your accomplishments, celebrating your achievements is like giving yourself a big self love hug. Tell family and friends what you’ve achieved and be proud of what you’ve done. Not only does this boost your self love it gives you confidence to challenge yourself again.
Self love and confidence are integral parts of each other. These simple exercises are perfect for getting back in touch with yourself, to love yourself and help you find your confidence.